Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Helen Mirren's Golden Globes and Owen Wilson Squeezing Jane Seymour's Breasts

There's no real shortage of real, or fake, pictures of Dame Helen Mirren's boobs. But this is my favorite picture. 

Freckles

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And here's Owen Wilson squeezing Jane Seymour's boobs in one of those movies that is the same movie as all the other movies. 




Saturday, July 6, 2013

Zombiethon From Wizard Video

Child of misuse producer Albert Band (I Bury the Living [1958]), the Los Angeles-conceived, Rome-raised Charles Band handled and controlled his first characteristic in 1973, a farce of Bernardo Bertolucci's Last Tango in Paris (1972) taped in excellent business district Burbank. Throughout the span of the following thirty years, Band fils bankrolled or administered a panoply of flat plan programmers, incorporating the unusual delicate center Cinderella (1977), the unsettling provincial frightfulness film Tourist Trap (1979), the 3-D sleeper Parasite (1982) featuring an adolescent Demi Moore and the clique most beloved Trancers (1985), which gave an early credit for future Academy Award victor Helen Hunt. All through his profession, Band built various generation associations, in particular Empire Pictures (which he later sold to Halloween maker Irwin Yablans), Full Moon Pictures and Moonbeam Entertainment, while additionally establishing the pioneer movie dispersion firm Media Home Entertainment. 

To discharge his movies on film tape, Band established Wizard Video. A well known mark throughout the "huge box" prime of Vhs, Wizard additionally took care of the dissemination of John Waters' Pink Flamingos (1972), Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), Meir Zarchi's I Spit on Your Grave (1978), Lucio Fulci's Zombie (1979) and Abel Ferrara's The Driller Killer (1979). Never one to leave behind an opportunity to expand benefits, Band discharged through Wizard Video a triptych of accumulation movies, which joined cuts from inventory titles under a regular subject. The Best of Sex and Violence (1981) was depicted by John Carradine and emulated by Filmgore (1983), had by Elvira. Zombiethon (1986) was an endeavor to take advantage of high profile discharges the past year of Dan O'bannon's The Return of the Living Dead, Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator and George Romero's Day of the Dead. In spite of the fact that zombies appeared in 1985 to be a lot on the ascent, a fitting furor took impressively more extended to declare itself. 

Given that Band and executive Ken Dixon were working only with Wizard-authorized titles, the way that they contracted the field even further to keep tabs on zombie motion pictures makes Zombiethon a spot such as nouvelle food -particularly when contrasted with the structurally comparative however better supported Terror in the Aisles (1984) from Universal, which incorporated excellent cuts from Bride of Frankenstein (1935), Psycho (1960), The Exorcist (1973), The Omen (1976), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), Alien (1979), Scanners (1981) and The Thing (1982). Zombiethon's lists of amassed stunners races to just seven cases of the subgenre -two of which are not even zombie films -while such original titles as the Val Lewton-processed I Walked with a Zombie (1943), Ken Wiederhorn's Shock Waves (1977) and George Romero's "Dead" trilogy are notable in their unlucky deficiency. 

Emulating a gauzy shade hotter in which a Catholic school young lady is pursued by a zombie into Los Angeles' El Rey Theater blasting with pug appalling revenants, Zombiethon opens with cash scenes from Fulci's Zombie. A touch such as serving the birthday cake soon after the vegetable platter, this tack toploads the characteristic with the best bits -the sundry shotgun splatterings, throat bitings and eyeball splinterings that got the Italian import banned in a few nations. After practically twenty minutes, Zombie yields to yet a different beast and-the young lady vignette and practically a reel of footage winnowed from Jean Rollin's abandoned Zombie Lake (1981). Drooping in its midsection under the dead weight of Jess Franco's draggy Oasis of the Living Dead (1981), Riccardo Freda's without zombie Fear (1980) and Pierre Chevalier's transparent gorilla-on-the detached motion picture The Invisible Dead (1971), Zombiethon returns on-focus with decision minutes from the Ted V. Mikels schlockfest The Astro-Zombies (1968) preceding becoming dull at the 73-moment imprint. 

No doubt the primed accessibility of a large portion of the movies referenced in Zombiethon throughout the consequent Dvd time might overshadow any requirement to return to it... then again a think back may leave with more senior viewers a sweetly nostalgic trailing sensation. As Tv had flipped the script on the supremacy of characteristic movies in the 1950s, so the appearance of home motion picture permitted Tv watchers a measure of sway concerning their own particular excitement. The in-for-the-night dormancy of the Vhs time, throughout which film fans regularly gathered similarly invested geeks for tape exchanges or double/triple/quadruple bills of uncommon or extraordinary movies, asked tolerance for what may have been marked in less excusing rounds unwatchable and endless. Processed with an eye on the end result yet with clear affection, Zombiethon is best seen a quarter century after the truth as a result of now is the ideal time, a relic of the past (at the 42 moment imprint there is a sight of the West Hollywood's Pan-Pacific Auditorium, seen in such movies as Funny Lady (1975), Xanadu (1980) and Miracle Mile (1988) and gutted by fiery breakout in 1989) that is best dug up for no preferable excuse for why over since saner personalities have exhorted so determinedly against it. 

Maker: Charles Band, Ken Dixon 

Chief: Ken Dixon 

Cosmetics: David Lady, Joe Reader 

Throws: K. Janyl Caudle (School Girl), Tracy Burton (Bikini Girl), Paula Singleton (Gown Girl), Janelle Lewis (Voodoo Queen), Janessa Lester (Young Mother), Randolph Roehbling, Chuck Spero, Mike Groves, Guy Thorpe, David Lady, Laura Lady, Dante Renta, Frank Olechnicki (Zombies). 

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Friday, July 5, 2013

More Pictures of Madelyn Sheaffer Out of Her Bikini

There really is no bikini that can constrain Madelyn Sheaffer. The word is she pumps the iron. So a lot of that is muscle. It's a frightening prospect in terms of engaging her in a tete a tete because her tete is so much more ample than yours. Dr. Henry Wolfsburg suspects if this woman were 25 years old with a willowy waist and enormous silicone bazongas, no one would have dared stop her from entering the water park. 

But I don't think fifty yards of burlap could completely conceal all that vavoom. It just is. It's not obscene. It's an avalanche of femininity. Did this woman do anything wrong or breech the rules of civility this society lives by? I don't think so. Our idealized modern version of femininity as this stick-thin, submissive, duck-faced sorority girl is doing a great disservice to generations of young men who just are missing out on all the shapes and sizes that comprise woman. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Madelyn Sheaffer Won't Be Winning Any Zombiethong Bikini Contests Anytime Soon

Madelyn Sheaffer won't be winning any Zombiethong bikini contests anytime soon, mostly because she's far, far away from being dead. 

Missouri calls itself the "Show Me" state, but there's only so much one woman was allowed to show at a water park.

When Madelyn Sheaffer went to the Adventure Oasis Water Park in Independence, Mo., on Tuesday, the last thing she expected was that her bathing suit would cause fireworks.

Sheaffer, 43, said after she got into the pool with her niece and nephew, two teenage employees approached her and told her to put on shorts because her bottoms were too small.

If Shaeffer were to become undead at some time in the future, and god forbid it happens, I think she'd make a wonderful zombie pinup. 
Another picture of Madelyn Sheaffer. You're going to throw her out of what?


Is Dr. Henry Wolsburg making motorboat noises right now looking at this picture of Madelyn Sheaffer? You know Dr. Wolfsburg too well.




Zombiethon Summer Hot Undead Bikini Contest

Summer is here. And boy is it starting to stink. There were only two entrees in this year's Downtown zombie bikini contest. This ex-woman won by default...


                Hey, I know you're dead, but I clearly said "Get me a Coke AND a sammich." Still for only being half useless, Dr. Henry Wolfsburg names you winner of the 2013 Downtown Zombie Bikini Contest.


I don't even think you want to know what Old Baldy did to make me force her to drop and give me twenty. 





































Saturday, May 25, 2013

Don't Go Swimmin' With the Toten Korps Women

It must be sweeps month or something, or maybe we just ran out of things to say, but you've heard the old advice that you shouldn't go swimming for an hour after you eat. Well, I'd add to that you shouldn't go swimmin' with Toten Korps women. And if you must, certainly don't do it in the nude.